As a newbie Mom, I know that I’m in the stage wherein I want my child to be the best (yes, Of course) that he can be and I guess every parents out there wants the same thing too. They say, “walang magulang ang naghangad ng masama para sa anak nila.” which is true. But then sometimes we don’t noticed that our self-worth tied up with our child’s success. And (worse) sometimes we don’t notice that we are competing with other parents already. I’m not expert in parenting. But lemme just share with you what I have read and learned at Smart Parenting Magazine. Last night, while reading the super old issue of SP this article suddenly caught my attention and I wanted it to share with you especially to all the parents and parents-to-be out there.
No one is born knowing how to be a parent. Competitive parents are just really trying to find reassurance that they are on the right track. Some people need to be extrinsically motivated. They need to see their children are “better” or that they are doing “bigger” things to believe they are good parents. The extreme cases can also be caused by transference. This parents feel that it’s not their child’s glory but theirs. If they’ve always wanted do something but never got the chance, they force their child to do it even if the child doesn’t want to.
The experts says that if you’re always pushing your child to be the best, he might think that you’re love is conditional. You may unconsciously or worse consciously push him to excel and forget to see your child as he really is. As a result, your child may be cranky, touchy, clingy, or just plain difficult to handle. He may also feel that your love is connected to his doing things that will make you proud.
Nevertheless, my point is don’t make your child suffer to fill something that’s lacking within you. Remember he is seperate from you and what he need most from you are unconditional love and acceptance.